It’s a great day! Today I tested my ketones and the results show low levels of ketones. Not as high as I want it to be but is a great start considering that I have been eating less that 20mg of carbs for only 8 days. I have only been eating keto for only 12 and weight loss is tangible. I will not weigh-in until the last day of the month in order to my abstinence (having strong impulse on weighing myself several times a day). Keto-flu was not a problem the first few days which it is a huge player in this. Sometime when I get keto-flu it’s so bag I ended up eating carbs (or at least using it as an excuse to fail again).
But weight loss has not been the only motivator. My sugar and wheat cravings has cease in a very short amount of time. I am a pizza addict/fanatic (call it how you want) and for first time in my life I was able to go to a Pizza Buffet (I know it sounds like entrapment) and I honestly wasn’t thinking about eating any of it. I did not even battle with myself. Believe me when I say, I would never have been able to do that in my non-keto diet life. Not even on my Vegan days. I am so proud of myself!
Here others foods I divorced since they cause me cravings or because is they are hard to track while doing a ketogenic diet.
- Peanut Butter
- Cakes (even sugar free ones)
- Any processed sugar foods (anything that has real sugar)
- Any wheat product
- Popcorn (any kind)
As I keep doing well in my keto experience, I am guess I will keep adding other forbidden foods. Some people commented before that restriction doesn’t work for them. Instead causes them frustration and deprivation feelings which leads to binge eating and yo-yo dieting. In my case my body work different. I am not a person of moderation. I am a all or nothing kind of person. Eating some of these food would lead me to relapse, a circle I have been many times but I won’t be again.
I must confess I fell off the wagon. Since my daughter’s birthday we can celebration in San Luis I have been eating a bunch of garbage and sugary treats. At the beginning I did he thought it was gonna be a big deal. My Brain justify it real quick. “It’s only to celebrate her birthday” or “She is turning 3 only one”. Well it didn’t turn out as I expected. I was binging and over eating for over a week after we came back home. I bet not know how to go back to my keto meals and regular routine. I gained weight back. 10 pounds to be more specific. It was an untill yesterday “May the forth be with you” when I was able to stay away from everything I I knew I couldn’t have. It was hard. I felt I was sick. My body was against me. I crave sugar and with the products all night long. Even those foods I regularly don’t like. I felt the urge to shovel in my mouth anything and everything that have sugar but I didn’t. I fought it and I told on myself. I talk to my husband and let him know what was I going through. He was patient with me and get me accountable until we went to bed.
As my husband packed his luggage bag this morning before going out of town I expressed to him concerned about me being alone. I’ll be at home with the kids all weekend long. DANGER! Usually that’s when I eat the most. When I’m feeling bored, alone or unattended. Before he left I told on myself again and express my fear to him. He kindly suggested to stay busy and take the kids to a family night in a church nearby. I wasn’t sure at first if I wanted to go. That would involve a little bit of socializing which I don’t feel like doing (I guess these might be side effects from detoxing). But I made the effort and drove there.
All I heard about this event was there was going to be bouncy houses and games for the kids. But Lord have mercy! First thing as you walk in the building a table with all you can eat pizza (with different toppings and it was from Papa Murphy’s), chocolate chip cookies and individual bags of chip awaits you. This was only my second day of sugar and wheat products detox. It was hard, it was very hard to turn away food. Not only because I am not strong in now but think about it it’s free food. There is nothing harder to turn away from but free food. It’ll matter what kind of food it is . It could be any bag of empty calories, but if his free… Heck yeah! And pizza. Are you serious call? Pizza been my favorite demon my whole life. No! I did not eat it my friend but I won this battle.
I know I will struggle with temptations for the rest of my life. But I was thinking about it after I got home and it seems like all you find to eat is carbs. It’s almost like the carb overeating it’s being highly encourage specially to our kids. I work really hard to teach my kids to make better eating choices when. Generally they do pretty good. But what can they do when all the choices they have are between carbs. Not healthy whole carbs, but process ones. Those that helps you to develop an addictive behavior. I fear for them. Hopefully they will understand better as they grow. And maybe by then we will have better choices.
Nowadays is so easy to get addicted to substances or certain behaviors. Form alcohol and drug addiction to a TV show on Netflix (binge watching). Some are more socially acceptable than others but that doesn’t make it less harmful. As an overeater, binge eater and a bulimic, (I am also an Al-Anon) I am a person with many compulsions. Constantly I have to watch my behaviors since they could easily turn into habit.
As I was turning to taking pills, fasting and vomiting after my binges, my relationship with the scale changed. Initially I weighed myself weekly. But then I start doing it daily. I was so concerned I would gain weight after my binges that I had to know what was going on. Then I started weighing myself in the mornings and nights. Then after drinking water or using the bathroom. I was out of control. I got obsessed with the numbers. But it did not matter how low they were, they weren’t low enough to help my self-steam. On the contrary, it would lower it. In a matter of weeks my identity changed, I was no longer myself but 180 or 178 pounds. That’s how I started seeing myself. I could not stand see my own image in the mirror (it is still hard sometimes). I tried so many times to negotiate with myself and to justify stepping on the scale. The more I stepped on the scale, the worst I felt. No weight loss motivation came from keeping track of my weight.
I was so sick of it. The more stepped on the scale, the more I binge that day. These binges caused more weight gain, and this is what probably started my bulimic behaviors. That’s when I figure that if I use laxatives or take pills the next morning it wouldn’t matter what happened the night before. And it just got worse from there.
Today, I manage to weigh myself once a month. Sometimes I still get that impulse to step on the scale especially when I feel really good about myself. I remind myself daily of my value as a person and not a number. Just like my eating disorders, the stepping on the scale behavior might not go away. I will keep fighting in everyday. Walking little steps to recover.